oh lord where do i begin?
I thought i’ve had the last blow of a terrible day when i got home to find my bed totally soaked by the thunderous mid afternoon rain. Thanks to my humble self for leaving the windows open before I left for work in the morning.
Pressing my palms against the matress to see what is left for me to lie on while i prepare the Agenda for the next day’s meeting with a new client.
After some frustrating checks, i finally found a spot that could only fit a Bichon frisse to curl up. As if i gave way to my survival instaincts, i manage to do better than a bichon.
After what seems like eternity, i finally found the best language to educate a typical Ochancha business man, raised in the heart of Ananmbra – Nnewi to be precise on the benefits of having an ERP Application run his business for him with or without hus presence with the benefits of precise and accurate reports. Atleast, i convinced my it would work.
After that, I called up wifey on the phone to report my attroocities of the day. A daily routine i have to fulfill for the next 4months.
As, many of you may not know, I am married but on a 6month long Annual Marriage leave. Dont you dare ask me what that means. My marriage came with conditions and warranty. I did not marry wrongly. SHIKENA.
After all the I love yous and I miss Yous have been exchanged even if those were the only part of the conversation that made sense; others, I pretended not to hear them and acted as if MTN decided to try on their new network transmitter that depends solely on PHCN. Don’t blame me, You all will act the same especially when you are broke and your wife continues to tell you about the expenses she made and more to be made the day after.
Women will always expect you to carry most of their burdens, if not all.
That is That…..I got off the phone and retired to my little spot.
Half an hour later, I found out that i was still awake. Wondered why for a while. Then it hit me that i wasn’t lying on my regular space. Am beginning to get to used to having my 9 foot wide bed all to myself.
I decided to help myself get some sleep. Went straight to the dimly lit kitchen only by the light rays from the security light outside sieving through the window blinds.
I was too lazy to turn on the light switch just 1ft away from where i was standing, I fumbled in the dark towards the kitchen cabinet to fetch the botlle of whiskey everybody that comes visiting has been afraid to touch. That liquid got more power to chase demons out of you than holy water.
Got a glass cup off the rack, the thought of getting some ice came faster than a boner on a sex starved dude visiting the strip club for the first time.
Said “Thank You” to my mind for the quick thought and blessed my cup with some ice from the refridgerator.
Staggered back to my room and retired to the only spot available. Poured some liquor, savoured the strong sweet aroma and emptied the glass in one gulp. had a refill, and thought to myself what next i could do since i was still awake.
You see, The human mind works in mysterious ways. Sometimes you get the to make the best decision in a flash, when you do, you smile at yourself sheepishly and call yourself a self-made genius.
Sometimes – You just think like you’ve held fart for too long in your system. What only comes out of your head is but “Shitty Ideas”. Nothing more.
My mind quickly went back to the movie i downloaded earlier in the office – Yes am a pirate. (I guess that explains the liquor or vice – Depends on what comes first to your mind)
Back in the office, Instead of going out for lunch at noon, i stayed back in the office to download a movies i only saw the poster and thought it’d be great to see considering the fact that it was kinda star studded.
Honestly, What would be your first impression if you saw a movie poster with Amber Rose(@DaRealAmberRose), Wiz Khalifa(@RealWizKhalifa), Eurika Pratts (@producerpratts), Kellita Smith (@MsKelitta), Teyana Taylor (@TeyanaTaylor), Rocsi Diaz (@rocsidiaz), Claudia Jordan (@claudiajordan), Charli Baltimore (@charliBaltimore)?
Honestly speaking i felt like a hood nigga who has just won a lottery worth 100 million Dollars. I was overjoyed to have downloaded the movie.
Being a fresh movie released in the wee days of 2012, little did i know i was heading for a nightmere.
The movie was written, produced & directed by JEAN CLAUDE LaMARRE, titled GANG OF ROSES II – NEXT GENERATION.
With a WIld Wild West – Cowboys thriller setting, I must have hit a bounty harvest from my pirate quest on the internet coastline.
I sat back with whiskey, feeling like the “The Last Don” as i hit the play button the VLC player on my laptop.
The prelude to the movie made me go back to the movie folder to see if I had played the right movie. Alas! I did. It was the right movie with the wrong brains.
My thoughts were pure: –
Amber Rose should have stuck to the strip club where we all know she does it best.
Wiz Khalifa should have remained on the block with weed in his socks.
Eurika Pratts should have stuck to making comic movies
Kellita Smith should have still been in the 80s without an option of waking up to the 21st century.
Charli Baltimore? ….hmmmm……Damn am typeless…..oh sorry speechless!!!
Claudia Jordan?…..She’s as fake as Nicki Minaj……..Maybe fakes better…..
Jean Claude LaMarre – This dude should have been deported back to Netherlands, Sweden, Denmark or wherever he orgininates from.
And the rest women, should have just stayed back home to feed tits to their neighbours’ husbands.
Anyway, I managed to see the movie to the end half thinking of a way to regain all the bandwith i wasted in downloading a 1.5GB trash movie.
Now am praying for a good sleep without nightmares of the scenes from the movie.
I should have just downloaded a hindi movie with no english sub title.I would have been better of. In all, the movie was from a wanna-be writer, director, actors & actresses. The worst movie to ever screen since the invention of slice bread.
Anyway, I IMPLORE you to go see the movie as i don’t wanna be selfish with this one.
Sleep @last creeps in and i would really apreciate a decent one.